


I want you, bless my soul

by beforemidnight



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung-centric, M/M, Romance, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26158669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforemidnight/pseuds/beforemidnight
Summary: Doyoung thinks that Johnny's friend looks like an overgrown baby. Fluffy hair, super white, smooth, shiny skin, nice lips, bright eyes. A big baby.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 196





	I want you, bless my soul

**Author's Note:**

> guess what song this fic is based on.

**_There's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear._ **

_Present_

The itch to reach out for one of the cigarettes on the table, hidden behind bottles of beer and assortment of chips, has gotten Doyoung restless. There is a freshly opened pack courtesy of one of Johnny’s uptight, bougie associates. He notices the brand. Ah. Nothing beats a good Marlboro stick.

It’s only 9 pm but Doyoung feels exhausted. Between teaching sociology to uninspired and tired juniors in university and finishing his thesis for his PhD, he feels a little stretched out. If it weren’t for Johnny and Taeyong, he’d probably already be passed out in his bed. 

Doyoung stares at the cigarettes, hoping that the addicting relief of nicotine would seep into his veins if he focuses enough. Once upon a time, he thrived on nicotine. The raw satisfaction he got with every puff of smoke beat the long list of consequences that came with it. Doyoung is a pragmatic man, don’t get him wrong. But, he always struggled with psyching himself to quitting until 4 years ago.

_“ I will never understand why you keep doing that.”_

_“Doing what?”_

_“Don’t be coy.”_

_“Helps me with stress.”_

_“Well, it won’t help you soon when your lungs collapse because of cancer and then you’ll be dead.”_

_“I’ve heard enough of that from my mother, Taeyong, and Jeno. Do you think the prospect of dying scares me? I’m an overworked, underpaid grad student baby, try again.”_

_“Okay then. Chronic bronchitis, hypertension, emphysema, early wrinkles…”_

_“You’re wasting your time.”_

_“... early menopause, irregular periods, lower infertility, increased risk of miscarriage…”_

_“What the fuck?”_

_“What? I’m covering all my bases. I’m the future doctor here!”_

_“You’re stupid.”_

_“Impotence. And I’m pretty sure I’ve read somewhere that most chain smokers become lousy in bed in the long run.”_

_“Are you serious? You want me to prove you wrong?”_

_“And Hyung, your breath stinks whenever you smoke,” the other jokingly adds_

_Doyoung glances at the man across him. They’re sitting at the balcony of Doyoung’s tiny apartment. He looks so pretty under the faint light of the fluorescent. His cheeks, pinkish and smooth. He thinks that he could never get tired of looking at him. Jaehyun stretches his arm and revels on the cold air of the night. They shouldn’t just be wearing thin shirts and boxers on the open balcony. It’s almost December._

_“Okay then.”_

_“Increased risk of stroke and brain damage — Oh, wait. Did you just?”_

_“Yeah, I mean, I’ll try anyway. Wouldn’t want to have my menopause arrive early, yeah?”_

_They both laugh, a little too loud for a weekday night. If his neighbors complain when the sun comes up, Doyoung figures it’s worth it._

There is a commotion on the other side of the room. He hears a mix of laughter and exclaims. Someone shouts about a broken expensive bottle of wine. He’s seated on one the sofa beside a sleeping man he doesn’t recognize— might be one of Taeyong’s colleagues from the dance academy. Frankly, Doyoung doesn’t care.

For the first time in 4 years, he picks up a cigarette. 

  
  


🚬

**_Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?_ **

_5 years ago._

"Are you done?" Doyoung is leaning against Taeyong's bedroom door waiting for the other to finish fixing his very dry and very red hair. He cups his mouth, attempting to hide a big yawn. It's a Saturday a little after 7 pm. He just got out of a meeting with the Professor he is assisting for the semester. Usually, his Saturday nights consist of eating Chinese take out from a restaurant 5 minutes from his apartment, grading his students’ papers, reading a bunch of required articles for his next week's night class for his masters, watching his favorite drama reruns on Netflix, maybe having a beer or two (he prefers wine but good wine is expensive), and then passing out before 2 am.

But Taeyong insists that he goes out with him for dinner and some drinks. And here's the thing about Taeyong, wherever he is, Johnny always follows. Doyoung doesn't remember a time when Taeyong was single. He doesn't mind though because Johnny is a great guy albeit a little too tall in Doyoung's humble opinion. Doyoung keeps a tight circle of friends. It's not that he didn't like most people, it's just he never bothers to keep in touch. So he indulges Taeyong whenever he asks him to hang out.

Taeyong struts towards his shoe cabinet and holds out two pairs of shoes, a plain white converse, and a chunky white Fila. "What looks better with the outfit?" he asks.

"Does it matter? Both look good. Just pick whatever, you know, sparks joy," Doyoung lazily replies. He's hungry already.

"Hey. I think shoes are an essential piece in one's outfit." Taeyong picks the converse in the end.

"Hey, Doie. I forgot to tell you, Johnny invited his friend. He's eating with us tonight," Taeyong slips in.

Doyoung couldn't care less. "Do I know him?" 

"I don't think so? He's Johnny's friend from home. Apparently he goes to uni just outside the city." Taeyong chides.

"Ah, so younger?" Doyoung doesn't meet his eyes.

Taeyong perks up. "Yeah. You're interested?" 

"Nope."

He smiles. "Suit yourself. Let's go" Taeyong drags a half-dead Doyoung to the front door.

  
  
  


Doyoung thinks that Johnny's friend looks like an overgrown baby. Fluffy hair, super white, smooth, shiny skin, nice lips, bright eyes. A big baby.

"So are you a freshman?" Doyoung asks. They're seated beside each other. He and Taeyong arrived five minutes ago and Taeyong excused himself to the restroom. Johnny is still outside parking his car.

"No offense, but what makes you think I'm a freshman?" The guy replies.

"Am I wrong?" Doyoung pipes in, nursing his wine.

"I'm a junior and my name is Jaehyun" Jaehyun (apparently) says, reaching for a handshake.

Doyoung reluctantly takes it. "Doyoung. apologies, you look extremely young." He's itching for a smoke.

Jaehyun snickers and licks his lips. "Well, then I'm guessing you're a sophomore too?" 

"Don't make me laugh. I graduated last year. I'm taking up my masters right now." Doyoung says looking at his fingers.

"Right. Sorry, you just look too cute, I thought you were a sophomore. You look the part." Jaehyun speaks up looking unabashed.

Doyoung's eyes widen, he looks around the restaurant searching for his tall friend. 

"Wow. Johnny, I think your little friend here just made a pass on me" Doyoung whispers a little too loud to himself. 

"I was just stating the obvious. I'm an honest man after all," Jaehyun proudly says.

"You're something else, aren't you." Doyoung downs his wine, trying to hide a smile.

Taeyong arrives and smirks when he sees the two talking. He claps his hands and says, "Oh. Doyoung have you met Jaehyun?"

  
  
  


After finishing a nice plate of pasta and downing another glass of wine, he excuses himself for a smoke. Thankfully, the restaurant has its own little nook outside the side entrance for helpless chain smokers like him. He lights one and leans on the cold surface of the wall. The smoke that comes out of his mouth used to make his nose itchy but he’s unaffected by it now. He closes his eyes and enjoys the calmness that the cigarette gives him. 

He hears a ruffle, and then a voice.

“Is it just me or Taeyong and Johnny are trying to set us up?” Jaehyun announces.

“You noticed? I’m sorry. They like doing that.” Doyoung laughs, brushing his bangs out of his eye.

“Setting you up with people?” Jaehyun curiously asks.

“Yup.”

“Why would they do that?” 

Doyoung takes a puff of his cigarette. “Taeyong thinks I’m too lonely and Johnny’s too nice to disagree.” 

Jaehyun observes the smoke Doyoung exhales.

“You don’t look lonely to me.”

"May I?  
  


Jaehyun takes his cigarette and attempts to take a long puff. Doyoung raises his eyebrows at the other’s actions. He thinks that Jaehyun has never smoked in his life. He’s proven right when Jaehyun starts coughing, immediately taking the cigarette off his lips. What a pity, Doyoung thinks. The cigarette looked so pretty between his red lips. He gives back the stick to Doyoung, wiping his mouth with his shirt. “That’s not very nice.” Doyoung chuckles and finishes the last few puffs in less than a minute.

“You don’t think I’m lonely huh,” Doyoung quietly says.

“You want to know what I think?” Jaehyun asks.

Doyoung trashes what’s left of the cigarette and pockets his pack and lighter. 

“Alright, Jeong Jaehyun, give me your best shot.”

“I think that you like being alone. That you enjoy your quiet time, your peace, you like doing things at your own pace and sometimes people get in the way of that. You don’t need a man nor a woman to be happy. You’re too much of a realist to mull over such romantic nonsense.”

“You make me sound like a boring prude, dude.”

“But that doesn’t mean you don’t like me,” Jaehyun adds, smirking.

“Okay kid, stand down.” Doyoung laughs.

“What?” Jaehyun steps into his personal space, his gaze never leaving Doyoung’s. His eyes filled with curiosity, his hands daring, and his smile tempting. 

“You like me, don’t you? And I think I like you too. So, why don’t we leave those two and get out of here.” Jaehyun suggests, his fingers making tiny circles on Doyoung’s hips.

Doyoung began smoking cigarettes in the summer before his sophomore year in college. He just broke up with his girlfriend back then, and he was having a small crisis about what he wanted to do and if he even wanted to pursue his course. Doyoung thinks he’s not particularly addicted to cigarettes, he just hyper fixated on the relief he gets whenever he smokes. 

He looks at the man in front of him.

“Okay.” 

Doyoung hopes he doesn’t get too addicted to this one. 

  
  
  
  
  


🚬

  
  
  


**_My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue_ **

_4 years ago_

Doyoung thinks that Jaehyun will break his heart.

Jaehyun is standing at the bottom of the steps of the building where Doyoung had his last class for the night. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" 

Jaehyun perks up and smiles. He looks really good despite the dark circles and tired eyes. Doyoung has seen the mess that is Jaehyun's schedule, he doesn't know how the man juggles being president for one org and a vp for another while keeping a stellar gpa, and working on his medical school applications. But in hindsight, Doyoung kind of relates, he used to be that college kid too.

"I needed my energy boost." Both walk towards the front gate. Doyoung's apartment is pretty near the university— only about a 10 minute walk.

"Your place and your uni are like 30 minutes away from here. Why didn't you just go home? You look really exhausted."

"I need my batteries recharged. Leave me be." Jaehyun links their fingers together.   
  
  


Doyoung discovers a lot of things about Jaehyun— He likes to spend his Saturdays eating take out at home, he likes cuddling on the couch while they watch Doyoung's drama reruns, and he likes hanging out on Doyoung's bed when he grades his students' work. 

In doing so, Doyoung learns a thing or two about himself as well. He learns that he likes trying out new places to eat with him, he likes commuting from his place to Jaehyun's university just to see the other's smile when he spots him on the campus. 

They don't really have a name for whatever it is that's going on between them. Doyoung thinks it's okay that way because he knows that he likes Jaehyun's cheerful smile, his ears that go beet red when Doyoung whispers things to him late at night, his weird habit of pushing his face between Doyoung's chest when he's particularly stressed out from uni. It has almost been a year since their conversation outside the restaurant and when they decided to ditch Taeyong and Johnny.

Doyoung wonders if Jaehyun feels the same way.

  
  
  
  


Jaehyun tells Doyoung about his family one Sunday afternoon after eating brunch with Taeyong. He learns that Jaehyun's mom has been living in Korea with her new family since the divorce when he was 10. Jaehyun who grew up in America with his Dad, a cardiovascular surgeon, all his life, now frequents going back and forth in between his mom and dad.

Jaehyun meets Jeno unintentionally on a Wednesday night. Doyoung didn't expect him to come over since he's been swamped the past couple of days. He figured it was a weekday night anyway so he lets Jeno crash at his place.

"My roommate thinks he lives alone with the way he sexiles me almost every other day, hyung. I hate him!" Jeno sulks while munching down Doyoung's Kimchi fried rice.

"I'm not bothering you, am I? I swear this will be the only time I'll do this. I know how busy you are with grad school," Jeno adds.

"Hey. Shut up and just eat your food alright? You're never not welcome here. I've told you several times to just live with me anyway, mom prefers it too." Doyoung says. He's seated across him.

"Hyung, I want to learn how to be independent. I've always relied on you. It's time for me to unleash my wings and everything you know." 

"My baby bird is all grown up. He doesn't even want his Hyung to feed him anymore." Doyoung frowns jokingly.

Both stop eating when they hear the sound of the code being punched in the door. Doyoung forgot that he gave the password to Jaehyun.

"Hi Do-"

Jaehyun immediately stops in his tracks.

"Hi. I'm sorry, am I interrupting something? I can come back tomorrow." Jaehyun flushes.

"No. Uhm. Jaehyun uhm, this is my little brother Jeno, he goes to my uni also he's uh a freshman." He glances at Jaehyun nervously. He gestures to Jaehyun to come closer.

"And uhm, Jeno this is my uhm ...Jaehyun." Doyoung wants to smack himself.

"Hi! I'm your brother's boyfriend. It's really nice to finally meet you Jeno. Your brother talks about you all the time." Jaehyun grins.

"Yeah he tends to do that a lot. Hello, Jaehyun hyung." Jeno smiles.

  
  


Jaehyun excuses himself immediately after dinner. He explains that he hasn't gotten any sleep since 2 days ago because he was trying to cram two lab reports. Doyoung grasps Jaehyun's hand when he stands up and leans towards his ear.

"Are you okay?" Doyoung whispers, his voice filled with worry.

"I'm fine. I just need to sleep." Jaehyun reassures him with a tired smile.

"I'm sorry for this Jeno, I'll make it up to you sometime, yeah?" Jaehyun straightens his posture and glances at the younger.

"Sure hyung. Good night."

Doyoung slides his hands on Jaehyun's arms. "I'll be there soon too. Hmm?" 

"Yeah." Doyoung watches as Jaehyun makes his steps toward their bedroom.

"So." Jeno starts.

"What?"

"I didn't know you were living with somebody nor did you have a boyfriend! Hyung, if I knew he was coming over, I wouldn't have intruded."

Doyoung cheeks feel warm. "Hey, we don't live together. He just likes coming over."

"Ah. He mentioned he goes to St. John's, that's like a 30-minute commute. Doesn't he have a place there?" Jeno asks.

"I don't know. Ask him. Anyway, you can wash these right? I'll just make sure he's not dead there yet," Doyoung replies.

Jeno smiles. "Of course hyung. I can do the washing. Good night."

"Good night my sweet baby bird."

"Hyung ew. Stop that!" Jeno cringes.

Doyoung is already walking towards his bedroom when Jeno stops him.

"Hyung, I think Jaehyun hyung is a nice guy. You should keep him." Jeno admits.

Doyoung only made a funny face at him in reply.

  
  


🚬

  
  


**_At every table, I'll save you a seat_ **

_3 years ago_

Jaehyun graduates on a sunny Monday morning. 

There’s currently Taeyong, Johnny and Jeno together with them in their favorite restaurant a few minutes from Jaehyun's university. Jaehyun’s mom is busy with the opening of her business in Korea and couldn’t come while his dad had an emergency surgery to do early that morning.

Jaehyun is holding a bouquet Doyoung bought for him, the flowers not leaving his grip.

“Hey, do you want me to hold that for you?” Doyoung offers.

“Nope. These are mine,” Jaehyun cheerfully answers back.

“Hey, Jae. I’m sorry your parents couldn’t come,” Johnny says in between mouthfuls of gelato.

Taeyong pipes in, “I know they’re very proud of you, Jae.” He offers a smile. 

Jaehyun grins. “ Ah, it’s no big deal. I’m having dinner with my dad after he finishes his surgery and I’m visiting mom for the summer so it’s all good. I’m just glad you guys were there.” 

Jeno cheekily adds, “Yup. I thought Doyoung hyung was the one graduating earlier. He was so nervous!”

“Shut up Jeno or you’ll pay for your food. I wasn’t nervous. As a matter of fact, I was just excited,” Doyoung defends himself.

“Aw, my baby is nervous for me, that’s cute!” Jaehyun pinches his cheeks.

Instead of rebutting, Doyoung chooses to let it go just this once, it’s his day anyway.

He feels something vibrate in his pocket.

“Jaehyunah it’s your mom.” Doyoung remembers Jaehyun handing him his phone before the ceremony started.

Doyoung sees Jaehyun’s face light up.

“Excuse me guys, I have to take this.”

“You sure, you don’t want me to hold the flowers?” He asks.

“Nope, I’ll show them to mom,” Jaehyun replies, smiling.  
  


Doyoung thinks that he’s never seen anyone as beautiful as Jaehyun.

They developed a liking for Doyoung’s balcony, sometimes they hang out there after dinner, enjoying a beer or talking about their day. Jaehyun is laughing, face all flushed, his head thrown back, his hands clutching his stomach to an embarrassing story Doyoung told about his high school days. Doyoung itches to capture Jaehyun just like that— carefree, laughing, untroubled by his mountain of workload, and his responsibilities as a son to his parents. 

Just when dawn is about to break, when the sky turns the palest shade of blue, and a sleepy Jaehyun clings to a barely awake Doyoung on their bed, the remaining lit street lights reflect a tint of yellow on his windows casting the faintest color on Jaehyun’s naked torso, Doyoung feels his heart beat. 

Doyoung wonders when he fell in love.

He thinks in between spontaneous coffee runs after Jaehyun finishes his last class and just before Doyoung starts his, in between lazy Sunday mornings spent tracing Jaehyun’s body with Doyoung’s hands, lips, his tongue, or Jaehyun remembering Doyoung’s favorite dumpling take out order— somewhere, in the interim of flashing lights and booming music of a bar, quiet study sessions in a local library, a laugh about a silly joke, Jaehyun’s lone sock left stuck in his couch, a hand in his waist, a lewd firm grip in his neck, in his hair, a choked moan only for their ears to hear, a teasing smile, a look shared like no one else is in the room but them — Doyoung falls in love.

  
  
  


Jaehyun decides to take a year off before going to med school. Doyoung learns this information on the reception of the wedding of Doyoung's colleague.

They're both sitting on the back of the crowd. The last one, just a few steps near the doors. 

"Hey, I have to tell you something," Jaehyun announces.

"Sure. Do you want to talk outside? It's so loud in here." 

Jaehyun stands first, offering his hand for Doyoung to take. Doyoung thought he hated hand holding at first. He thought it was too juvenile.

But Jaehyun's hands were soft, and inviting, there's no reason for him to resist.

"My mother wants me to study Medicine—" 

"I think that's been established, Jae."

"—She wants me to study in Korea." Jaehyun says, nervously.

"Oh…"

Jaehyun takes Doyoung's hands and kisses them.

"I'm sorry." He looks forlorn and torn.

"Hey." 

"Jaehyunah. Look at me. Hey. What makes you think I'd be mad?" Doyoung cups Jaehyun's face.

"You miss your mom. You've always wanted to go home. It's the perfect opportunity. Baby, look at me. I'm happy for you."

Jaehyun only buries his face between the juncture of Doyoung's neck.

"I'm taking the year off. Mom agreed. I'll have to sort all my documents first. I'll stay with you until then." Jaehyun muffles in his neck, his hands tight around Doyoung's waist. 

Doyoung runs his hands in Jaehyun's soft locks and hums.  
  
  
  
  


"I love you." Doyoung hears Jaehyun whisper against his chest. They're both naked, and only a blanket shielding them from the cold breeze coming from the open door of the balcony. 

He's certain Jaehyun knows he's still awake. He hears Jaehyun's sniffle and clear his throat to hide the sound. 

Doyoung levels himself so he is face to face with the younger. His thumb feels the slope of Jaehyun's jaw, the plumpness of his lips, the smoothness of his skin. 

"I love you," He whispers back. Doyoung hides his face in Jaehyun's hair and lets a tear escape his eyes.

  
  
  


🚬

  
  
  


**_It has always been you (All's well that ends well to end up with you)_ **

_Present_

Doyoung finds himself seated on Taeyong and Johnny's fancy terrace. He observes the christmas lights hung on the other apartments and trees on their porches.

He plays with the Marlboro stick. The form feels foreign. He hasn't touched one in years. He lets the cigarette fall and crushes it with his shoe.

His phone rings.

"Hello," A voice says.

"Hi."

"Where are you?"

"Taeyong and Johnny's annual christmas dinner. The usual. What are you doing?" Doyoung stands up and leans against the railing.

"Packing. I'll be home before you know it." The other chimes in.

"I know. I just miss you."

"Don't say that. My flight is tomorrow. Want me to run to Incheon now? I'm not kidding." 

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm heading back soon. I'm tired."

"Yeah you kinda sound like it. Can you drive?"

"I'll manage. See you tomorrow, hmm?"

"I'll be home soon."

  
  
  
  


When Jaehyun left for Korea three years ago, Doyoung didn't think they would work. They both have their career and education on the forefront of their minds. Doyoung convinced himself that he'd be okay if one day Jaehyun stopped reaching out.

Three years after, Doyoung chuckles at himself, at how stupid he was being.

As he looks at Jaehyun, in his ugly christmas sweater and santa hat decorating their Christmas tree, he realizes that he has never loved anyone like he loves Jaehyun, that even if he can count with his fingers the number of times he got to see Jaehyun in person in the last few years during winter breaks, short holidays, and his impromptu visits to Korea, he's no longer scared of having his heart broken by him.

Jaehyun owns every bit of him anyway.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i just really wanted to write a short and nice fic based on lover by tswift.
> 
> tell me what you think in the comments? :)
> 
> twitter: neyowculture


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